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<title>The Need to Remember by Mrs_Cormorant_Beeks</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24668428">The Need to Remember</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrs_Cormorant_Beeks/pseuds/Mrs_Cormorant_Beeks'>Mrs_Cormorant_Beeks</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>RuPaul's Drag Race RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/F, Implied/Referenced Suicide</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 05:33:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>781</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24668428</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrs_Cormorant_Beeks/pseuds/Mrs_Cormorant_Beeks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>crystals memory box makes her sad, but she can't resist it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gigi Goode/Crystal Methyd, Nicky Doll/Crystal Methyd</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Need to Remember</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I couldn't think of a good summary, im sorry</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Crystal knew she shouldn’t keep going through the old pictures she kept hidden in a shoebox at the back of her wardrobe. She shouldn’t be doing that any more than she should be reading and re reading the tiny messages printed on postit notes that were also in the shoebox. <br/>She told herself this as she opened the wardrobe door<br/>“It’s not healthy” she whispered under her breath as she fumbled around the mess of old trainers and scarves and single gloves at the bottom of the cupboard.<br/>“Don’t do it” she muttered as her hand closed around the box<br/>“You’re an idiot” she admonished as she flung the box on her bed and herself beside it.<br/>She lay next to the tattered shoe box caressing the lid, tipping up one corner then letting it fall again. She pulled it to her chest and lay still for a moment hugging it closely.</p>
<p>A short while later, Crystal was sitting on the bed cross legged the box open between her knees. She sighed, telling herself again she was a fool, knowing going through the contents of the box would only cause her pain, but unable to stop herself.<br/>She picked up the first photo and there was Gigi grinning at the camera as she leaned against a lamp post, hip thrust out trying to look sexy. <br/>Next there was Gigi lying on the grass squinting up into the sunlight, her arm draped over her bare midriff as if cradling herself.<br/>Here she was in a club, bright lights all around and still the most beautiful thing in the room.<br/>Crystal held onto the next photo a bit longer, looking at it intently. This was the first one of them together, sitting outside the cafe sharing a milkshake grinning at each other around the straws. That day was still so clear to Crystal, it had been so full of joy and love.<br/>The first post it note. Written in that tiny neat print. “I love you”<br/>“Always yours”<br/>“My heart. My lover”<br/>There were lots of these, as there were more photos of Crystal and Gigi together, of Gigi alone making silly faces and posing coquettishly.  Crystal looked at every single one, carefully putting them down in order.<br/>A small shudder went through her as she held the first one where Gigi no longer smiled, the first one where she looked angry, the next ones where she was so obviously desperately trying to hide the torment in her eyes.<br/>The notes changed<br/>“Never leave me”<br/>“I need you”<br/>“I can’t”<br/>“I’m sorry”<br/>Then the photos that were all indoors, of Gigi thin and swamped in over sized sweaters trying to avoid the camera.<br/>And the last one of them together, a selfie taken on the sofa as Gigi rested her head on Crystal’s shoulder and smiled a smile that seemed to have that joy again, the weight of whatever had been hurting her gone.<br/>Tears fell silently down Crystal’s face and dropped onto the picture. She unconsciously wiped them off automatically adding the picture to the pile then stacking them all back in the box and replacing the lid.<br/>“Why didn’t I see it? I’m an idiot” she moaned softly to herself, the tears still falling. <br/>It had been five years, but the pain was still there, like a scab itching to be picked to release fresh blood it forced her to take out her memory box and live it all again.<br/>The bedroom door opened and the bed dipped as someone sat next to her and put their arm around her, stroking her head<br/>“Oh my darling, why do you do this to yourself?”<br/>Crystal rubbed the tears away and looked at Nicky<br/>“Because I should have seen it. I could have stopped it.”<br/>“You know, she did not allow you to see. You know that. I wish you wouldn’t torture yourself”<br/>Crystal hugged Nicky fiercely, kissing her cheeks and her lips<br/>“I’m sorry. You know I love you, but I’ll always love her too. She’s in my heart”<br/>Nicky kissed her back gently<br/>“I know, my dear thing. And I would have loved her too, because your heart is my heart”<br/>Crystal believed this to be true. She had been so lucky to find two people to love so much in her life. The only tragedy was that they never knew each other because felt deep down that the three of them would have been complete and happy together.<br/>“I wish you had been there then” she whispered into Nicky’s neck kissing her again, before tucking the old shoebox away until the next time she couldn’t resist the need to remember.</p>
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